Here's how I'd do a BMW car show

Spring is here. Sort of. Water froze on my car this morning while I was trying to wash it. But there are other signs. The sun is out. Cars are too. So, forgetting last year’s debacle, I packed my gear and headed to Bimmers vs The World. It’s a new crew running this event.

I regretted my decision before I even landed at the venue.

A well-earned reputation

Stereotyping people is a bad thing. But in the case of BMW drivers, I think it’s okay to admit that our reputation for stupidity is well-earned.

Sunday morning. Clear Pennsylvania Turnpike and cloudless skies. So why were there not one, but two accidents involving BMWs (show participants no doubt). Held up traffic for 20 minutes without moving. I hope everyone is okay, as the carnage didn’t look too bad.

I didn’t witness what happened there, but I can guess because I sure did find two idiots on the way home (and I’ve seen enough). Weaving in and out of busy Sunday afternoon traffic and cutting people off left and right. If you want to be stupid, please do so where you can’t hurt a family of four in a minivan. No one cares about your stunts. Always the most pedestrian BMWs too, a 650i and a clapped out F30.

I’ve seen enough – go get some practice, where it’s safe.

These are of course the exception. 99% of the drivers at Bimmers vs The World were respectful, well-behaved and kept it on the track. But it just takes one fool to ruin it for everyone.

The venues are not meant for us

This isn’t a knock on Bimmers vs The World. Held at Maple Grove Raceway, I honestly thought it was the nicest drag strip I’ve been too. Blows Atco out of the water. Englishtown in its hey-day too.

But no matter what drag strip I’m at, they all feel a little…old. They always make you park on grass if you’re a spectator, and since it rained the day before, it was full of mud. Quite the spectacle to watch a $250,000 Porsche 911 Turbo navigate that lot.

It took almost two hours to get into the show – unorganized and understaffed, I’d call this the worst part of the day. All shows like this suffer from the same affliction though – they make the organizers pay through the nose for the track, then provide half the actual staff required. Where else are we supposed to go to race anyway – almost every strip is closed by now.

The announcers are always the same too – they live in a world of Chevy vs Ford and could care less about the nuances of an F80 vs a G80 M3. They still expect these “wittle turbo cars” to run 14s. Well, all those vaunted Hellcats couldn’t keep up with tuned G8Xs, or F90s. Or even…an M550i.

I’ve always felt out of place at a strip, even when I used to run them myself. But it’s better than just sitting in a parking lot all day.

Vendor volume

These events become very clicky. I know you, you know me, let’s promote each other like a happy family!

Getting some dealers involved (or even BMW, heaven forbid), would make for a fun addition. Or, invite some teams that aren’t local and give them a free space to set up. They get promoted in front of thousands of people across the country, and the show gains additional clout. Win-win.

Speed thrills

Back in the day (ugh), running a 14-second quarter-mile felt like warp speed. Now, these cars, and in particular the S58 inside the M3, can reliably run 10 seconds (or less).

That’s incredible.I can’t say this with enough emphasis – the S58 is BMW’s best inline-six engine, ever. I’d have it over an S65, an S55, or anything else that revs like a rocket but needs more boost than your confidence at high school prom to run below 11 seconds. It’s not even close.

Bimmers vs The World was a good show

The Fall Cruise is a thing, and I liked it better last year with 100 cars vs over 200. So I can imagine just how difficult it is to organize an event like this.

I did love the variety of cars there. Plenty of American muscle, Japanese imports, even a few pickup trucks. Got a good sense of that “vs the world”. And though the G8X dominated the scenery, there were still plenty of M5s, M8s, X3 and X4 Ms, and even some classics. A good mix of German metal all around.

Sign me up for the next one. Minus the frosty car.